darlobikegirl

Letter to Arriva – part 1

darlobikegirl — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:36:52 +0000

Hello,

I have called customer services numerous times regarding the woeful inadequacy of the above service.

On several occasions the bus has failed to operate through the village of Brafferton and has instead driven straight into Darlington town centre.

I have called and complained about this and the response I have got is “we can see that the service operated but can’t tell you why it didn’t come through the village”. Well, quite frankly this is not good enough. Has anybody actually thought to ask the drivers why they haven’t completed their route as it should be driven??

I’m afraid I haven’t got the specific times/dates of these particular incidents, however, I trust your customer service department will still have these on record.

My main complaint today are the actions of a driver on the 5A this morning …

I’m waiting at the Prebend Row bus stop in Darlington town centre for the 09:31 5A bus to Brafferton.

The bus arrived at 09:44 – fair enough, there are traffic issues, the lateness isn’t an issue.

As I stepped on the bus, it was clearly signed as the 5A.

Bus leaves town centre at 09:52 – 21 minutes late.

The bus then continues to drive out of town and completely MISSES the turn off for Brafferton – I ring the bell so that the bus stops outside the Foresters pub.

I approach the driver and tell him that he should have gone down the village to which he says, “no, it’s the 5A that goes down there” – I told him that this WAS the 5A to which he replied “no, this is the 5″.

Now, he tries to tell me that the previous driver must have mistakenly had “5A” on his bus!

This is absolute rubbish – one of 2 things has happened here, either he has realised his error and tried to make me look the idiot by claiming that I’ve got on the wrong bus OR the 5A was taken off and replaced by the 5 (all the while passengers thinking they are on the 5A).

If the second scenario is true then this means that the 5 has left Darlington 10 minutes early!

Either way, Arriva, this is absolutely disgusting.

Please investigate this as a matter of urgency and please spare me the usual fob off jackanory tall tales as I’m simply not in the mood.

Yours
Mrs M Wilson

No Benefits in being Bone Idle

darlobikegirl — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:16:23 +0000

I’m acutely aware that this post is going to make me sound like a filthy Daily Mail reader *shudder* but I just can’t seem to put a lefty spin on this at all – please, if there’s anyone out there who is able to put a positive spin on it then PLEASE feel free to comment – I do like to be educated (that, for the record, was NOT sarcastic!).

So, our local news programme has, this evening, ran a feature about a couple on benefits who cannot afford to live & in their words “have to choose between paying bills & buying food”. This couple get £490 a WEEK in benefits.
Now, I’m aware that this probably isn’t hard cash each week & is made up of housing benefit, free school meals, council tax benefit etc, HOWEVER – it is still a LOT of money.
This is more than I earn.

Now, fair enough, there are families in situations who absolutely have no choice but to rely on benefits (we’ll come to my experience a bit later on).
These bastards though, have NEVER worked & yet somehow expect the rest of the country (I draw the line at using that fucking horrible phrase “the taxpayer”) to pay for their house, their food, their bills, their 4 sodding kids.

HOW is it fair that I bust my ass at work for 40 hours a week to earn less than them??

I cannot even tell you how much this makes my blood boil.

Let me tell you a little story about me & my family …..

In 1994 – at the age of 14, my parents split up.
We lived in South Devon, we had no family down there & things went a bit pear shaped ….
I’m not going into details but basically, my Mum was no longer able to pay the mortgage on her own after my Dad went & so our house was repossessed.

My Mum’s family all lived in the North East – with no roof over our heads we literally had no choice but to move back north & get the support of our family (who, by the way are the BEST family in the world – absolutely no contest!)

So, with our family’s help, we were able to get a 3 bed council house in Grangetown, Middlesbrough (Redcar & Cleveland if you want to be political!).
We had NOTHING. My Mum was working full time in Devon but with the move coming so fast, she had to move us without having a job to go to.

I don’t know full details but I do know that my Mum didn’t take long at getting herself out & looking for a job, even given the massive emotional trauma we’d just gone through.

So, with hard work & determination it didn’t take her long to find a job so that she/we didn’t need to rely on benefits for too long.

It was some time later that my Mum was finally out of her bankruptcy & very proudly went & bought her own home again – giving up her council house for someone that actually needed it.

A few years later, at the age of 19, I’d moved in with Mr D & found myself pregnant a few weeks later – ooops!!

Not to worry though, we both worked full time – in rather menial jobs it has to be said – but that’s how we’d both been brought up, to hold our heads up high & WORK hard for a living – that’s how our single Mother’s did it & that’s how we were going to do it.

So, by the time our baby came (11yrs ago!) we were still working full time & had bought our first house together.

Now we have 3 kids & are still happily (shut up Mr D!!) married – even though we’ve dropped off the property ladder now after effectively being priced out of the Market – we are very comfortably able to afford to privately rent a gorgeous house & are still gainfully employed.

Thing is, I’m all too aware that in current climates, we are VERY lucky to have a job still, particularly given the industry that we work in, however, if the worst happened & we found ourselves out of jobs – we’d have no problem with claiming benefits UNTIL we were able to find work again – which, I’ve gotta be honest, could be ANY job – I wouldn’t be fussy.

So what do we do?? I mean, realistically you can’t really “cut” benefits can you? Or can you? I really don’t know what the answer is.

All I know is that we are a very proud family & will make damn bloody sure that our kids know that WORKING is the only option …….

Please feel free to start a debate here should you so wish

Unjust Planning Laws and Prejudices

darlobikegirl — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:01:41 +0000

Well it’s been a long time coming & what best day to say it than on the day that families get evicted from their home.

I’ll start by saying that I’m not a Gypsy or Traveller, I don’t pretend to know a massive amount about them, I’ve read lots of books written by Gypsies, likewise I read the Travellers Times & I speak to Travellers & Roma Gypsies regularly on Twitter, all of whom are very lovely people (you know who you are!). I also follow & have debates with people who don’t like them & the way they choose to live so it’s not all 1 sided.

This is simply my view on something that as a mother & a human being, I feel very strongly about.

Let’s start by looking at WHY this portion of Dale Farm wasn’t given planning permission to be there – as I understand it, it’s because the land they bought was on “greenbelt” land. Now, this land used to be a scrapyard so you have to ask yourself if Travellers weren’t granted permission to live there, how on earth was a scrapyard allowed to be built on greenbelt land?! I mean is it just me that sees this as absolutely bloody mental?!

They clearly bought this land next door to the legal part of Dale Farm as it was an old scrapyard & you would be pretty confident that planning permission would therefore be granted?!

So it’s not granted – nevermind that permission is often granted on greenbelt for other developments – this clearly (to me) stinks of discrimination!

All they want is a place to pitch up when they’re not on the road. Those people that don’t like Travellers/Gypsies go on about how they should “travel” as that’s what their name infers – well it’s also the same people that don’t want to see them travelling – what do you want? You can’t have it all ways!

Many Travellers/Gypsies now recognise the importance of an education for their children hence why they need to find permanent pitches in order to do this. There’s also plenty of elderly travellers who can no longer “travel” due to ill health.

Back in the 90′s, with the introduction of the Criminal Justice Act (for which, Michael Howard, you were/are a complete dick) – travellers were told to “go buy land & apply for planning permission”. So, being compliant & trying to appease the authorities, many of them started doing this, however, due to (quite often) hostility from local communities – permission is (90% of the time) refused. So what now? They’ve bought land – like they were told to & yet can’t get permission to live on it – where do they go now?

Yes, there are council pitches but these tend to be very over subscribed and wholly inadequate in the on site facilities. Plus, why would Travellers/Gypsies want to have to rely on council pitches when they’ve bought their own land? I mean you or I wouldn’t necessarily want to move into social housing if we could afford to rent privately would we?
People also try to use the argument that “they don’t pay tax” – well, if planning permission was granted they certainly WOULD pay council tax – just like those on legal pitches & council run pitches.

There’s also a lot of comments flying about that Travellers & Gypsies are just criminals & that’s why communities don’t want them living next door to them – well this is a shoddy argument, I mean there are criminals in ALL walks of life. Don’t get me wrong, we moved house 7 months ago & it was pretty much because we lived next door to the most god awful neighbours, abusive, filthy, dirty, feral kids, dogs everywhere crapping in MY garden – the fact that they were settled Travellers is completely irrelevant. Just because that’s who they happened to be does not mean I now tar ALL Travellers with the same brush! I mean that’s terribly prejudiced.

People are “frightened” that if places like Dale Farm were granted planning permission then it would set a precedent – I mean WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Set a precedent for what?? For people to live how they want on their own land in their own trailers build their own homes pay council tax?? What people actually mean when they say that is it will set a precedent for people who are DIFFERENT to them moving near them – I’m not sure why communities are “frightened” of people who live in trailers – I mean if that’s what you’re frightened of you need help! It boils down to snobbery & discrimination & people are continuing to use the “law breaking” “don’t pay tax” “criminals” arguments that simply don’t have any backbone to them.

The law wouldn’t have needed to have been broken had the planners acted fairly – as it stands it is wholly unjust discrimination.

The upshot is that Travellers & Gypsies are criminalised if they try to settle & criminalised if they travel.

WHAT DO YOU WANT BRITAIN!! Is what you’re trying to say is just get rid of this ethnic group? Or make them live in bricks and mortar just so they “fit in” with you?? Get real & get over yourselves.

Watching Dale Farm eviction now on TV, it’s clear that a lot of them have already moved out – sadly, there now seems to be a lot of “professional protestors” who appear to be doing the Travellers no favours, I mean some of these people boil my piss a bit & the media seem to centre their coverage on these idiots. Having said that, there are also “settled” supporters who are simply exercising peaceful protest in solidarity & have been there for some months with the Travellers.

What people are also forgetting is that there are still some Travellers in there trying to stand up for themselves – there’s also sick & dying people who are simply too poorly to move (I’ve heard that 2 have gone to hospital because the bailiffs turned off their essential generators for oxygen).

The point I’m trying to make is that planning “laws” are shit – there is VERY clearly one rule for Travellers & another for Tesco’s (or similar) building on greenbelt – YES they are breaking the law but in this case it’s civil law that’s being broken & it needs challenging.

All I want is to teach my kids tolerance for all members of society, however they choose to live & for them to stand up for what’s right – break down prejudices & live in peace & harmony.

Well I can dream eh ……

In the Land where Swearing is Banned – it’s ARRIVA WORLD!!

darlobikegirl — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:20:12 +0000

OK, let’s set the scene ….

I live in a small village, we have an hourly bus service that runs through here from 08:08 until the last one at 18:13.

Generally, it’s a good service – until the council stops funding the subsidy in December & we won’t have it anymore, but that’s the council’s doing.

However, last week, I’m waiting for a bus to come – waiting & waiting, for about 30 mins until I had to give it up as a bad job & blag a lift from elsewhere. I was pissed off but am quite aware that it could’ve been a traffic problem/broken down bus etc etc – UNTIL I saw the offending bus coming back the other way – oh yes, this could only mean one thing – that the driver had bypassed the village on the way into town!

Fast forward a few days & I’m waiting again for the bus, with small baby in buggy, the weather was bloody wild & I needed to get into town to pick my other kids up from school – imagine if you will, how I felt when EXACTLY the same thing happened again?!!

What am I gonna do? Be nice as pie? Smile sweetly & say “it doesn’t matter”? Er no! I was ANGRY, I’m stuck at the bus stop, small baby, kids waiting for me at school, I now have to walk 3/4 of a mile to the bus stop on the main road – I’m frustrated, cold, pissed off so I do what I always do & tweet ….

A few days later, I discover that @arrivanortheast have blocked me on twitter.

Now I can only assume that this was the offending tweet:

“So anyway, I’m gonna beat @arrivanortheast with a massive shitty stick tomorrow – arseholes”.

Cue today, @arrivanortheast said the following

“@darlobikegirl No, its just we don’t tolerate swearing in posts to us, hence the blocking.”

So, if you bear in mind that this is probably the ONLY time I’ve sworn at them in frustration – a tad harsh do you not think?? Now I am unable to view any important Arriva information I, as a customer, may need to know about, not only that but I’m now painted as someone abusive when actually, I’m just a stranded & upset mother.

Apparently they have no tolerance of swearing in posts to them, however, a few months ago I tweeted them with the following “driver on the 5A is fucking awesome!” – was I blocked that time?? No, because I was praising them silly! So it seems to me that they are picking & choosing who they want to view their information – HOW DARE a customer be pissed off with us?!

If they have a problem with swearing then perhaps they should’ve watched Stephen Fry’s “Word” programme on Beeb 2 last week & they will discover that swearing is merely a form of expression.

I work in customer services for a large company – have done for 13 years. I could not even BEGIN to estimate how many people have sworn at me in frustration – what am I gonna do? Cut off their services? Don’t be stupid, I’m going to rise above it, take on board WHY a customer is so frustrated & understand that being on the frontline you’re gonna get abuse! That’s where customer’s go to spout their frustration.

I wasn’t even making a complaint to them on Twitter – I know to do that through proper channels – it’s just a shame that @arrivanortheast are such a bunch of babies that they can’t take being sworn at by a girl.

Think of other large organisations & the amount of times they are mentioned in a tweet alongside a (shock horror!) swearword! They would forever be blocking people!
“oh we’re too sensitive to be sworn at” – GROW A PAIR OF FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!

Well FUCK IT. I am done with Arriva, I am fucking done with defending them (as I happen to like their services most of the time) & I am fucking done with being dictated how I can & can’t vent my anger.

Fuck you Arriva – put your dummy back in you bag of fucking bollocks.

“I Learned to Raise my Voice so I could be Heard”

darlobikegirl — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 21:41:02 +0000

As a kid, I was a relatively quiet kid. Y’know, fairly shy, not really one for speaking my mind.
It sharp became clear that if you want people to take notice then you can’t be a shrinking violet, a mere wallflower swaying in the wind. If you’ve got something to say then fucking say it!!
The invention of Facebook was a pivotal moment, it was a place to meet up with old friends, to share stuff with long distance family & to say what’s REALLY on your mind.
Somehow, I managed to clock up over 300 “friends”. Most of these genuine, however, of late, it’s become apparent that some of these “friends” are mere fucking cockwombles turning the cogs of imbecilism (that might not be a real word but I like it).
The thing is, if you know me, you’ll know that I use social media as a sound board. If I’m fucked off – I’ll tell Facebook, if I have some political musings – I’ll tell Facebook.
Now, I’m quite aware that a lot of the time I talk utter shite. So fucking what? It’s my shite & I’ll talk it if I want. If you don’t like it – fuck off. It’s really quite that simple.
Some people get really offended & shit when they are “removed” as a friend on the old book of face – I ain’t one of them. I couldn’t give a rats arse. In fact, I’d rather people did that than constantly be offended by my left wing, gypsy loving, Tory hating bullshit.
I have, however, absolutely ZERO respect for the fucking arse biscuits who are still “friends” with me even after being 2 faced cunts behind my back. Y’know what, I don’t need to be friends with arseholes like that, I’m 31 not fucking 13.
So, with a trigger happy finger one night, I had to let go. Got rid of some complete penises & felt soooo much better for it.
Problem is, it left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. I mean, what exactly do we use social networking for?
I barely use faceache now, mostly for keeping family & real friends updated on my life (should they be interested).
I’ve seen a lot of shite on there recently though & usually it would do my tits in but y’know what, I ain’t a fan of censorship, if you’ve got something to say, fucking well say it!
I could not give a monkeys fucking chuff if you don’t like what I say – just leave – it’s no biggy.
Thankfully, there is a more grown up social media site in Twitter. A place you can pretty much say what the hell you want & if people don’t like it they just slip away quietly.
I like this, I’ve made LOTS of new friends, people I have stuff in common with, people who like swearing, people who like a sensible debate.
So, with a heavy heart, I’ve decided to considerably downsize my faceache pretend friends & dump a lot of dead wood.
If you’re still there it’s cos I either genuinely love you, think you’re a wicked person & in some cases, think you’ve been fucking bellends but because I like you you get a second chance to try not being 2 faced. (I’m nice like that).
With that, I retire my Facebook statuses – if you wanna see my shit get to Twitter instead – @darlobikegirl be the name – don’t forget it.
Cockwombling fucktarded cunts

Don’t make an ASS out of U and ME

darlobikegirl — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 12:14:33 +0000

It’s a well known fact that I could not give a rats arse about fuel increases.
It’s also a well known fact that I, personally, do not drive.
I choose not to drive. I don’t want to drive. I don’t have this incessant need to be behind the wheel of a metal box.
In fact when I’m in a car it makes me a bit ill, claustrophobic even.
However, I’m not quite sure why so many people assume that I don’t care about fuel increases because I don’t have a car?!
As it turns out, I do have a car. (technically it’s registered to Mr D but I paid for half of it). It’s quite a big car, a 57 reg Ford Galaxy people carrier (7 seats no less) & being a family of 5 it is pretty much a necessity for family outings & holidays (we holiday in the UK).
To fill up the tank on this beast (diesel) costs roughly £100.
At the minute, I earn less than half of my normal salary being on maternity leave. £100 is a LOT of money by anyone’s standards but especially to us at the minute. So what do we do?
USE IT LESS DURR!!
People whine on about rises in fuel but y’know it’s not gonna last forever & if you choose to abuse it then fucking go figure …..
I’m quite aware that some of you will come on here bleating about “needing to get to work” blah blah, violins (anybody would think public transport had never been invented but that’s a whole other blog), however, transport to “work” aside – I can guarantee there are journeys you make that you really don’t need to.
How many of you drive to the shop for a newspaper?
How many drive to a supermarket?
Drive to the Gym?? (FFS!)
I could go on …..
So will you lot, bleating on about your fucking rise in fuel, try looking at other ways of cutting down on how much you use it.
How about shopping locally? Y’know, go to the Market for your fresh food instead of the supermarket – less fuel is used in food transportation costs.
Farmers markets – great example, all local produce.
Maybe get a local newsagent to deliver your weekend papers instead of driving to the shop.
And if you need to drive to a Gym – you’ve got a serious problem.
The point is – don’t ASSUME that I harp on about it cos it doesn’t “affect” me – it DOES, thankfully I have more fucking brains than to blockade fuel refineries, moan about prices, blah blah.
Don’t be fuckers & take your heads out of the sand – for the health of our children & the future of our planet ……
Cockwombles

Pie in the Sky

darlobikegirl — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 23:01:16 +0000

This is the email trail (start from bottom) that has gone backwards & forwards (sometimes ignored) between me & Sky. They are bastards.
>>>>

Dear Sky,

So I’ve received a broadband installation date – June 2nd – after a completely pointless phone call to “order” it.

So here we are, installation day & guess what? Yes that’s right – it DOESN’T WORK. I left it off until the “end of the day” as advised on my pointless letter. There was no specification as to what time constitutes the “end of the day” so I took this to mean close of business which is usually 5pm & switch it on. I gave it a while & nothing.

I call the help centre where I’m really helpfully told that it can take up to midnight to receive a signal!

Well I’m sorry, I don’t buy this one little bit. Working in the telecoms industry myself I know that this is the ultimate fob off.

What am I to do though? I’ll get no further help until I wait until midnight.

So here we are, a minute past midnight & it still doesn’t work. I am still without broadband 2 months & 2 days after moving, my husband still can’t do his job effectively (he’s a homeworker), I’ve spent a small fortune in calling your 0844 numbers (because I had no damn phone line for so long) & yet all I’ve got from you is sorry sob stories about “system errors” & how it takes 10-14 days to activate broadband following phone installation (pathetic in itself), a half hearted apology drip fed from the finest of call centre manuals & a Vodafone dongle to supposedly appease me when actually I can’t even get a 3G Voda signal at my house.

I am now right at the end of my tether & as such will be withholding any payments to you until this is resolved. How you can expect a customer to pay you on time when you can’t even provide my full service is a joke so please don’t even patronise me with my “obligation to pay” rubbish.

I want this escalated.

Oh and one more point, this email trail will be added to my online blog so that others can see how shocking this has been. (obviously as soon as I can get online).

I’m not in the mood.

Sent from my iPhone

On 13 May 2011, at 15:43, Sky Help Centre wrote:

Dear Mrs Wilson,
When checking up on your account yesterday I could see that a broadband dongle was sent out so I apologise if you have already recieved this. When your Moving Home was arranged there was a cancellation placed on your phone and broadband services as this is the Moving Home process, the cancellation can take up too 14 days to fully complete.
This is why we would advise to call up 14 days before you move so that your phone and broadband cancel for you moving out. I called BT to check if they had activated your line they have confirmed that your line is not fully active and that there is a visit booked out for Monday 16th May to complete the work needing done to your phone line. When this is fully complete we will be able to reorder your broadband services at your new address. Even though you have all your broadband equipment we need to place a new order for the service to activate it on your line as if not you will not be able to use the broadband.
Regards
Robyn

Original Message Follows: ————————
I’m sorry but this is not satisfactory. Firstly, I have already been sent the dongle – it is no use as we only get GPRS coverage rather than 3G, hence it takes up to 10 minutes to launch an Internet page.
Secondly, WHY was there a cancellation date of 11th April when I told you on the 25th that I was moving on the 1st?
Thirdly, how do you explain why the BT engineer has already been & my phone line actually rings?? Does this not mean that it’s set up?
I fail to see what needs “reordering” on the broadband side, I already have the equipment.
Can you not see how shoddy this is, to be without services for almost 2 MONTHS?

Sent from my iPhone

On 12 May 2011, at 17:30, Sky Help Centre wrote:

Dear Mrs Wilson,
I am sorry to hear that you have been unhappy with the service you have received. Our aim is to provide the best possible service at all times and I can only apologise that this has not been your experience.
When your Moving Home was booked on the 25/03 a cancellation was placed on your Sky Talk and Broadband services, there was a cancellation date of the 11/04 when the cancellation was due to fully complete, when this happened your Sky line rental came off the account but your calls package got stuck on the system. This was then raised with our IT team to remove this as quick as possible so we could reorder your phone and broadband services again at your new address.
Once this calls package was removed this is when your phone line was reordered. When your phone line is reactivated this is when we can replace your broadband order, this is currently a call back set on your account for when your phone line is active so that we can reorder your broadband.
As you have been without Sky broadband since you have moved home we have issued you with a broadband dongle which you should be recieving in the next 3-5 working days. Sky cover this dongle for the first two months if you do wish to continue using this after you would have to pay for it yourself.
If you do have have any further queries you can give us a call on 08442 410 623 and one of our advisors will be happy to help.
Regards
Robyn

Original Message Follows: ————————
Enquiry Type:
Moving Home with Sky
Description:
I’m writing to express my utter dissatisfaction with Sky and the whole moving house process. Having notified you on 25th March that I was moving house the following week on 1st April, I expected it to be a painless procedure with minimal fuss. How very wrong. I was told that my telephone & broadband services would “cancel down” within a fortnight & that I would have to call back up to re-order them at new address – not particularly customer focused & certainly not a 1 call resolution. I moved into my new house on the 1st April as planned & my TV was instantly set up by ourselves as the dish was already there. Fast forward a few weeks & I had still not heard ANYTHING about my telephone line/broadband set up so I called up myself. “Oh terribly sorry Mrs Wilson but due to a system error the services at your old address haven’t yet cancelled down” – WHAT?? So nobody bothered to tell me this & as it was a bank holiday it was almost another week by the time this was fixed. FINALLY a date was set – 16th May – for my telephone line to be installed. I received a letter telling me I need to wait in for an engineer to visit on the 16th – this was NOT advised on the phone. On the very day I received this letter (approx 5th/6th May) a BT Engineer rocks up at my house & starts doing something with phone cables outside my front door. He didn’t come in or knock on the door or anything so I have no idea what he was doing, however, when he left, I tested the phone number I was given by yourselves and lo and behold – IT RANG. Now, nobody has been in touch to say it’s been done early or indeed to tell me when I can expect my broadband. We are almost 2 months into the whole process and I am wholly hacked off with the situation. I have 3 small children & my husband works from home. Needless to say, he is finding this impossible to work on a sparse 3G signal and has to travel into the office some miles away in order to work. To top it all off, I discovered that I have STILL been paying phone line rental from the date I moved until you realised your “system error”. I want this sorting and I want it sorting ASAP.

How to Lose a Stone in 12 Hours …..

darlobikegirl — Fri, 20 May 2011 14:21:14 +0000

So, 4th Feb 2011.
That was a funny old day.
Had gone to bed after watching Question Time & wasn’t quite sure if I was having contractions or not. It was exactly 6 years & 3 weeks since I last spat a baby out so couldn’t really remember what the hell it felt like.

Anyway, woke up, thought it was probably starting. I knew my midwife was coming that morning so just littered round a bit until she came.
Imagine how over the frigging moon I was when it turned out to be our friend Claire who had also delivered our middle child 6yrs & 3 weeks previous. For me, that was one of the best things about it, familiar face who you just know you’ll feel totally comfortable with.
So Claire arrived, did the old necessary hand up the wizards sleeve thing & lo & behold – 5cm dilated!
At this point, I’d been tweeting a bit, y’know just updating everyone what was going on (I was giving birth at home) & so I just carried on & went to watch Phil n Holly on the telly.

For me, contractions aren’t that painful. Easily managed & I can easy breathe through them. This is what I did for a good few hours. I stood up, walked about, chatting, drinking tea.

2nd midwife came, again I was absolutely bouncing that it was the other midwife that had delivered middle child with Claire last time – I had the same team! It was perfect.

So, it became quite clear that I couldn’t be arsed to go without drugs anymore so I told them to crack open the gas & air (this was the only drug I had requested, there was nowt else). Imagine my horror when they discovered that the right nozzle wasn’t on the fucking gas bottle – it was UNUSABLE!! Cue quick phone call to another midwife who had some portable ones in her car.

Thank god they arrived cos it is the best thing EVER!

So it dragged on a bit, I’m puffing on the gas, walking about, get to 9cm & though contractions kept coming, nowt else was happening, even after they broke my waters.

Then the unthinkable happened – the fucking gas ran out – no, really! Just as contractions weren’t even going away, there were no drugs left. To top it all off, they said they were giving me another half hour & then I was going to hospital – er no I fucking aren’t!

5 minutes later, I got on all fours & just said “I’m gonna push now” & I did ….

My Mum, who had been there since 9am (it was now about 6:30pm) had popped downstairs to get the kids a drink – so everyone screamed at her to get back upstairs cos it was quite obvious I was pushing & not stopping until the sod was out.

2 pushes & Finley Michaela Avalon Wilson slid out on the living room floor to an audience of 7. She weighed 8lb 3 which was the smallest of all my babies, the other 2 were 8lb 11 & 9lb 6 …..

What followed next though, was rather unprecedented …..

As I’d occupied myself by tweeting through much of it, The Northern Echo got wind & asked if they could run the story! Well aye, I said, why not. It’s nice, it’s a bit interesting & I like the Echo & their reporters.

They sent a photographer a few days later & me & Fin made front page!

It didn’t stop there though, some little fucking cretin came round my house & badgered me about getting it into some womens magazines (I was tired, frazzled & too fucking brain dead to object) next thing I know, the bastard Daily Fail were running with it!! You should’ve seen some of the comments on the website – funnily enough, my comment was never published!

Anyway, fuck the Fail – we all know they’re wankers & wankers that read it so I wasn’t bothered.

Next day, my Mum text me, said I was going to be “discussed” on ITV’s This Morning! WTF?! So I switched it on & there it was, amongst the news item bit, Phil n Holly along with Gloria Hunniford & some other dude – discussing why I’d tweeted it! Holly thought it was cool though & Phil said my actual name! How mental is that?!

So it all died down & now life is back to it’s boring self – just with 1 more little person (with MASSIVE feet) …..

Cant cook, wont cook – EVER ….

darlobikegirl — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 19:08:05 +0000

It’s a well known fact amongst my inner circle that I, Darlobikegirl, do not cook.

Now, there’s various reasons for this:
• Mr D likes to cook & so I never needed to learn
• I’ve got too much other “house stuff” to do
• I don’t like it

So now I’m one of these stay at home Mum types for the next year, I’m somehow expected (by family & Mr D mostly) to learn. I find this really fucking irritating & patronising, I mean come on, as soon as somebody other than me starts washing, ironing, cleaning, etc then forget it!

OK, so now he’s got a new job I am going to have to cook for me & the kids but you know what, it’s usually a pasta dish with a jar of sauce or some frozen veg & fish fingers. It’s a cooked meal, it’s got nutritional value, so why do I always feel like I’ve failed??

I’ll tell you why – cos I’ve been MADE to feel like that by food snobs. Y’know, the ones who use the freshest of ingredients, the hand reared free range chicken that’s still warm, the basil that still grows on the fucking plant on the windowsill, the garlic freshly chopped by the fair hands of an albino Pygmy – FFS!!! I get it already, you’re a snob with food, I am not. I just want to eat at a reasonable hour. In fact, I’d like the fucking TIME to sit down & eat sometimes. In between feeding babies/children, doing the school run, washing clothes, there is virtually ZERO time to even think about cooking for me & Mr D let alone attempt to slaughter a cow & pick grapes for the red wine to put in a casserole sauce to make a bastard stew!

However, I have been a good little wife & had dinner ready for my husband when he’s been travelling but you know what, it’s been a meal from M&S, not a microwave one, just a pack of meat, pre-pack veg & a sauce, bung it in a pot & shove it in the oven – I thought I was being good, y’know, trying to please my man and all that bollocks & with very little time, this offers the perfect solution.
It seems it’s not good enough though, sadly, theres always this “face” that goes with it, the kind of face that says “what the fuck are you trying to poison me with this shit for”. So what can I do? I’ll tell you what, fuck all, that’s what. I ain’t no Fanny fucking Cradock ….

2010 in review

darlobikegirl — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 22:24:10 +0000

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,300 times in 2010. That’s about 8 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 15 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 21 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 5mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was April 8th with 165 views. The most popular post that day was ***NEWSFLASH*** Lazy Twat Driver Wants Clear Road.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were twitter.com, facebook.com, slashingtongue.com, android-vs-ipad.co.cc, and digg.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for darlobikegirl, darlobikegirl blog, greasy fucking, car crash coniscliffe road darlington, and sweaty fuck.